It's all about that moment

The story always starts the same. Coffee in hand, driving to the office like a programed robot, log onto Facebook to see what's been going on in the world of your friends, and then...email, phone call, email, phone call, meeting, email, phone call, and of course, another meeting.

This meeting was just like every other weekly meeting with my boss. Walked in to explain what I've been working on, what I plan to accomplish this week, complain about how the office has no structure, blah blah blah blah blah.

And then she closed the door, shuffled through her desk and pulled out a folder.

"We are eliminating your position. This is the letter that explains it all. Please let me know if you have any questions."

All my eyes focused on in the letter as I pretended to read it was "June 30, 2010," my final day of employment at an organization where I have worked for 2 years after being laid off from my previous position. But this time was different. This time I asked to be laid off months prior to this moment. This time I didn't admire or learn anything from the leadership. This time was different, this time I wanted to leave, and this time I would make sure what I got out of it would be different.

I folded my letter, my get out of jail free card, and walked to the door.

"Thank you for this, I greatly appreciate it."

She looked at me and said, "you really did mean it when you said, 'I'll take one for the team.' I am happy to provide you a letter of recommendation before you leave."

I walked over to my desk and as I passed by my coworkers, all knowing that I have been asking to be laid off for the last 2 months, I was the only one that knew how important that 1 piece of paper I was holding was.

That paper means I don't have a place to go Monday to Friday from 9am-5pm. It means my days are mine, my life is mine, my dreams are mine, my world is mine, and only mine. I dreamt of what I would do a thousand times. Travel here, and travel there, make sure to move out of my apartment and put all my belongings in storage, sell most of the things I own to pay for the traveling. I had a plan, but for some reason in that moment, I went back to being the terrified person I was 2 years ago, not knowing if I would make it, feeling like my entire world just fell apart, thinking I spent all this working towards nothing because I could be replaced in a split second.

I wiggled my mouse and saw my GChat conversation with a friend. Just moments before going into that office I was talking about my dream job, how much I want to travel again and could only do it if I was laid off, and how I needed to force a change in my life and asking to be laid off was the only way to do it.

This is what i wanted, this is what I've been dreaming about for months now, the moment is here and I'm fearful of my future. That's when I remembered the problem. I have been planning my life since I was 17, always thinking about my next step, planning for the next moment, and moving faster than a tiger hunting its prey. This is the moment I get to decide to enjoy it, embrace it, and live it.

Life is a series of unknowns. You can either fear or embrace it. I choose embrace. Embrace the unknown - embrace the moment.