Finding Your Robin's Nest

Before I knew it the boxes were packed, the furniture was wrapped in blankets and the movers grabbed the last few belongings I had left to put in the truck. As they moved my air conditioner there lay a nest of robin eggs in my windowsill. I stood there in awe of what could exist in my home without me even knowing it.

I moved into this apartment heartbroken, devastated, feeling like my entire world was crumbling on top of me and burying me alive. Throughout the year in the apartment I began finding myself again, remembering how to take care of myself and making me the priority, and feeling physically and emotionally better because of it.

As I began to feel more alive, this nest was being built. It was love and life that has been sitting there, 5 feet from where I lay my head each night, and I had no idea until I was ready to leave. But what about my love and my life…do I only get to watch this nest encompass all that there is?

Everything was gone, and it was me, my floppy teddy bear and the noises of an apartment built in the early 1900’s. I sat there on the living room floor thinking about all the memories I enjoyed over the last year, the tears I cried from fear of the future and while letting go of the past. I was finally ready to take the next step.

That’s when he rolled up. He always found a way to show up when I finally thought I had it together and could control my feelings and decisions. This time I was in a different place. I love him as I did when I was 17, but I knew he wasn’t in a place to love me back. It was within seconds that we put our bags in my trunk and off we went, driving to the middle of nowhere to spend the weekend together.

I came to this apartment sick and hurt and escaping my relationship with him, and a year later I was leaving this apartment with him by my side. I am leaving healthier than I have ever been in my life, happy to start a new chapter, and content with the unknown the future holds for me. I know that I am building my life to be positive and bright, and the person I want to have enjoy it with me is him.

We spent the weekend under the stars of Pennsylvania, enjoying good friends, good food and sharing our time together as we did so long ago. On the ride home, as I stared onto the endless road under the June sun I thought about the dreams I have for my future. I looked over at him and realized there were no dreams, no aspirations, no desires in him. When I left, I found me and my happiness…but he lost himself, his spirit and his life.

I will never be able to find those things for him. He will need to find his way to his own hidden robin’s nest filled with life and love. I just hope that when he finds that nest, I will still be around to share it with him as he shared it with me.